


guilty conscience

by WattStalf



Category: 91 Days (Anime)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Gift Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 12:46:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8980297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WattStalf/pseuds/WattStalf
Summary: He could end this at any moment.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ertal77](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ertal77/gifts).



> Another secret Santa gift for 91 Days, I hope they like it!

He could end this at any moment.

Angelo- _no, not right now, it's Avilio right now_ - knows that he could, if he really wanted to. He's so close to the man he is supposed to despise that he could end it all, at least where that man is concerned, but...

_But_ .

The problem lies in just how close he's gotten, and how this started to further his revenge-  _or was that an excuse even then?_ \- and how it really, really isn't, not anymore. Now, he is so close to Nero that he doesn't know what he thinks of him anymore, or what he is supposed to think or what he is supposed to do.

Objectively, Avilio knows that he's built the perfect opportunity for himself. He's earned the man's trust and he's earned his heart, and he has more time alone with him than anyone else does. When even guards are dismissed, when they are behind closed doors, he could take Nero's life without anyone to stop him, and maybe he could finally feel as though he did the right thing, and put his late family to rest.

But he never does, because, it seems, he was unable to get this close to Nero without opening himself up, and now he has feelings that, though he may try to deny them, make it too difficult for him to end this. He doesn't want to say that he's fallen for the other man, or that he's betrayed his promise to his family, but it is hard to spend every day trying to grow closer to someone without starting to feel something, and now he is in the perfect position to end this and he can't.

Panting, he is happy that tonight, he is bent over, his face buried in a pillow. It is always harder when he has to face his lover-  _and there is really no other word for this connection_ \- and remember the reason that he is in this position to begin with. He is always forced to remember that, no matter how close they may be, it is still all based on a lie and that Nero does not even know his name.

_Though he's starting to like responding to Avilio more and more._

The man behind him grunts softly, a noise he's become accustomed with over time, and he is able to tell that Nero is growing close fairly quickly tonight. It's been a while since they've been able to get time alone like this, so he's had a lot of frustration to work out tonight. They'll likely manage to go another round or two before he manages to exhaust himself completely.

He feels Nero's nails digging into his shoulder as he fucks him, harder this time, because he's missed this, and Avilio has missed this too, and maybe that should have been his first sign that he was in too deep. Fucking him should have just been a part of getting close to him; he should have shot Nero the first time he fell asleep sharing a bed with him. But he didn't, and he doesn't now; now, he moans, muffled by the pillow, and wonders if he's going to get off from being fucked alone.

When Nero says his name tonight, he doesn't feel it at first, the twinge of guilt that always comes when he hears that goddamned name. Tonight, he doesn't even think about it at first, because this is the sort of man that he is becoming. Avilio is beginning to forget what it is that he's after, at least in the heat of the moment like this.

He wonders if Nero loves him.

He wonders if he loves Nero, if that's what all of this is supposed to mean.

He wonders if either of them even have a right to such feelings after all that they've done and all that they will do.

Avilio feels a familiar hand wrapped around his cock, and lets out a starved noise at the touch without realizing it or meaning to. Apparently, he will not have to find out if he will get off from being fucked alone because, as always, Nero is considerate. To him, this affair has nothing to do with using the other man to achieve any means, even his own pleasure; to him, this affair is more than just an affair.

Avilio hates him for being so damn trusting, and hates himself for trying to use that trust in this way, and especially hates himself for ever reaching a point where Nero Vanetti's feelings were of any concern to him.

When Nero comes, it is with a cry that almost doesn't even sound like him, but of course, it  _is_ him, as Avilio has gotten to know very well, after so many nights spent together. And even as he starts to collapse on top of him, Nero doesn't stop with his hand, because he isn't selfish, not one bit. His intentions are so goddamned pure that it makes Avilio sick, or it would, if he weren't on the edge himself, if he weren't in far too deep.

He lets his enemy, his  _lover_ , jack him off after fucking him, and he enjoys it far more than he should allow himself, and he bites the pillow because he doesn't want Nero to hear his pathetic whimper. Gritting his teeth, he allows himself no time to truly enjoy his orgasm, and forces himself to remember the reason for all of this and forces himself to feel shame for his feelings and their closeness. He could end it all right now if he wanted to; Nero is so close, and his guard is down, and soon enough he'll be gearing up to fuck him again.

Avilio could end it all right now and he doesn't, once again, because he doesn't want to like he used to want to. He doesn't know how he's ended up in this place-  _unless he's always been this weak_ \- but he knows, even now, that he has no hope of escape. He knows, even now, that he's fallen too far, and that he cares too damn much.

He knows, even now, that whether or not he has the right to love this man is irrelevant, and that, if he can't love Nero, then he has at least fallen as close to that as possible. Avilio cares, and his guilt consumes him from all sides, and all he can do is let Nero have at him again, while he pretends that nothing has changed between them and, really, nothing has.

 


End file.
